Forgiveness: How to Forgive When It Feels Impossible

How do you forgive when it feels impossible?
Should you even have to forgive someone who hurt you?
I had someone ask me that once. They told me someone had really hurt them both physically and mentally. It was crushing. Should they have to forgive them?
It’s a question we might all have at some time. I want to look at what the Bible has to say about this.
When Jesus’ disciples asked Him to teach them how to pray He used the example we call, The Lord’s Prayer. And right in the middle of that prayer Jesus said, “Forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us.” (Luke 11:4)

Forgive as we forgive. The way we forgive others is related to what we are able to receive from God. There is a story Corrie TenBoom told about her time in a Nazi concentration camp that illustrates this.
She and her family were arrested and put in the camp for hiding Jews during WW2. She and her sister were there together and suffered terribly at the hands of the guards. There was one guard who was incredibly hard and evil towards them. Her sister ended up dying in the camp, but Corrie made it out and became a preacher.
One day, she was preaching, and she looked up and saw him. The same guard who had terrorized her was listening to her preach.
After the service, he walked up and said to her, “Isn’t it wonderful, I’ve become a Christian. God has forgiven my sins.” Then he extended his hand to her and said, “Will you forgive me?”
What would you do?
What if the person who hurt you wanted to shake your hand? What if he wanted you to forgive him? Could you?
Corrie froze. In that moment, she didn’t want to forgive. She wanted to tell
him off. But then she remembered Jesus’ words: “Forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us.”
She understood forgiveness is not a feeling—it is an act of obedience.
So, she lifted her hand and took his in hers. As she did, she said she felt the power of God’s love and healing flow through her. She looked at him and said, “I forgive you, brother, with all my heart.”
At that moment, she experienced a deeper freedom than she had ever known—not just from the concentration camp, but from the bitterness that had tried to take root in her heart.
For some of us, forgiveness like that feels overwhelming. And it’s important to understand this: forgiveness is a process, not a moment. Choosing forgiveness doesn’t make the pain disappear overnight, but it does mean you’re taking a step toward freedom.

Sometimes it’s easy to pray a prayer like: “Forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us.” But it’s a lot harder to live out. We might struggle with this. It might make us uncomfortable, but it can set us free. What Jesus is teaching in this prayer is, forgiveness is a two way street. You need forgiveness as much as you need to give it. This means I need what He has, and I am responsible for giving what I have. When I give forgiveness, it keeps my heart free from bitterness and keeps the communication with God open.

Look at Mark 11:25-26 (NKJV)
25 “And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone,
forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your
trespasses.
26 But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your
trespasses.”
I think you could put this up there with one of the least popular verses in the
Bible. But the truth is, if we refuse to forgive, we won’t be able to receive forgiveness.
It’s a spiritual law, you can never receive what you refuse to give. Jesus says if you’re praying and you have unforgiveness in your heart, you need to stop praying and deal with that. Because the line of communication between you and God is severed.
Some people might have a hard time believing this. They might say, "Well, God understands. He will overlook some of that stuff."
The truth is that we have to learn to live by what God says, now what we think is right or wrong.

Maybe people in your life have hurt you, and I’m so sorry about that. That was never God’s will. It was a terrible thing. But unless you forgive, you will continue to struggle.
Someone said, unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping the other
person dies. And it is like a poison. It will destroy you. It will destroy your relationships. It will stunt your spiritual growth. It will affect your health. Ultimately, forgiving does more for you than it does for the other person.

So let me go back to the question that started all of this.
Do I really have to forgive someone who did terrible things to me?

Forgiveness does not excuse what they did. It does not erase the pain or remove accountability. But it does release the burden from your hands and places it into God’s.

Unforgiveness keeps you tied to the moment you were hurt. Forgiveness breaks that tie.

When you hold onto unforgiveness, it blocks the flow of grace, peace, and joy in your life. But when you release it, you open your heart again to what God wants to pour in. Forgiveness isn’t about letting someone else off the hook; it’s about letting yourself walk in freedom.

Jesus’ words are still true today: “Forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us.”
As hard as it may be, freedom is found on the other side of forgiveness, because you can only receive what you’re willing to give.

If you’re ready, take a moment and pray this prayer. And if it feels hard to pray, that’s okay. God honors obedience, even when your emotions need time to catch up.

Father,
You see the hurt I carry. You know what was done to me and how deeply it affected my heart.
I don’t want bitterness or resentment to have a place in my life anymore.
Today, I choose to forgive, not because what happened was okay, but because I want to be free.
I release this person and this pain into Your hands. I trust You with justice, healing, and restoration.
Guard my heart. Bring healing to my life.
Help me forgive the way You have forgiven me.
And when the memories return, help me choose forgiveness again.
In Jesus’ name,
Amen.